Ten Minutes to Refresh My Morning
So you want to start a revolution.
Draw a circle in your closet.
And pray for God to start a revolution in your heart.
I read that in a really lame book about youth ministry the other day.
The book--lame.
The quote--great.
I feel like I'm sitting on the bench in eternity, or maybe playing in the JV game.
It drives me bonkers...but maybe that's where I belong.
I think that somewhere before, during, and after every revolution is a crystal clear revelation of God's intended providence & vision. I don't know what the next big thing is.
In some ways if I map my spiritual progression it can be seen as a giant and perpetual pendulum swing between being God's servant and his beloved. I know I should be both at all times, and I'm working on it, but that doesn't tend to be how I roll.
I'm not sure where I am right now on that swing. I feel like the servant vibe is strong, but I'm not sure what grand goal I'm chasing or what wind mill to tilt with. That's odd for me. Throughout the course of my life I've been given bigger and bigger arenas to fail and succeed in, and standing still for this time without knowing what comes next is unusual. My LIFE is pregnant. This prompted my last post, and paints the back of my eyelids when I lie down.
It's coming up on April 9, not my favorite day, so maybe it's simply a function of emotional sadness passing itself off as existential conceit. Or maybe I'm bored with work. Or maybe having done a middle aged man job for a few years I'm having a wannabe midlife thing at age 26 (convenient because the hot young chick in her 20s is my wife).
But it's not any of that stuff. It never is. Something big & signficant is about to happen. And I have no clue what the heck it is.
And my ten minutes are up.
Draw a circle in your closet.
And pray for God to start a revolution in your heart.
I read that in a really lame book about youth ministry the other day.
The book--lame.
The quote--great.
I feel like I'm sitting on the bench in eternity, or maybe playing in the JV game.
It drives me bonkers...but maybe that's where I belong.
I think that somewhere before, during, and after every revolution is a crystal clear revelation of God's intended providence & vision. I don't know what the next big thing is.
In some ways if I map my spiritual progression it can be seen as a giant and perpetual pendulum swing between being God's servant and his beloved. I know I should be both at all times, and I'm working on it, but that doesn't tend to be how I roll.
I'm not sure where I am right now on that swing. I feel like the servant vibe is strong, but I'm not sure what grand goal I'm chasing or what wind mill to tilt with. That's odd for me. Throughout the course of my life I've been given bigger and bigger arenas to fail and succeed in, and standing still for this time without knowing what comes next is unusual. My LIFE is pregnant. This prompted my last post, and paints the back of my eyelids when I lie down.
It's coming up on April 9, not my favorite day, so maybe it's simply a function of emotional sadness passing itself off as existential conceit. Or maybe I'm bored with work. Or maybe having done a middle aged man job for a few years I'm having a wannabe midlife thing at age 26 (convenient because the hot young chick in her 20s is my wife).
But it's not any of that stuff. It never is. Something big & signficant is about to happen. And I have no clue what the heck it is.
And my ten minutes are up.
4 Comments:
Ryan,
I have been stuck myself. For about three years, in fact.
Getting married was the last amazing eternally significant thing I did. That bothers me.
Do you read the Bible? Do you have "quiet times?" I don't. Perhaps I should. Do you think this would bring about the coming moment of eternal significance?
April 9 is not my favorite day, either. I hurt for you, I think of you, and I pray for your hurt to lessen. I go there every year, and I cry. I can't imagine what you deal with.
It's been six years. And I'm still really, really really sorry. I always will be.
Peace,
Justin
My comments within yours:
I have been stuck myself. For about three years, in fact.
Getting married was the last amazing eternally significant thing I did. That bothers me.
I disagree with your premise, but I know what you mean. We could be changing the world and we're gaining market share, what the heck.
Do you read the Bible? Do you have "quiet times?" I don't. Perhaps I should. Do you think this would bring about the coming moment of eternal significance?
I do read. I could do more.
Let's find out. Every day, like in High School. If nothing else we'll be better guys.
love you man... wish I knew you better, but I do love you.
Keith
"Lame book about youth ministry" is kind of redundant...
My wife is pregnant - which is close to your life being pregnant...only one letter difference really. Big change is in store for both of us...
-nice post
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