This Will Be...
In a weird number of ways God's pushing me to a bold act of faith.
As I've chronicled here over the past few weeks God's been talking to me through scripture, visual art, literature, musics, and experience.
The fundamental assertion--My life of quiet courage is too little for the God of the universe.
The action step--I have no idea.
Tonight I'm going to take a guitar and stand in front of lots of people and ask them to sing that God is more than enough for me.
The problem is I believe in that academically, but not all the way.
Frankly the way that I spend my time and money does indeed indicate that I believe in Jesus Christ and want to see his hope spread. This isn't a "damn I'm a hypocrite" kind of post. I love Jesus, have for some time, and have been blessed inwardly and outwardly in this relationship. I'm not coming to my senses.
That said, almost everyone I look to as a hero in the faith was killed prematurely because of their faith.
If Bonhoffer is right, that the call of Christ is to "come and die with me" I don't have that kind of faith.
I don't know where this will take me, and I'm increasingly sure it might be a bit uncomfortable, but a simple application is that everywhere I am now, including my work, I'm going to get more serious about lifting up the saving message of Jesus.
As I've chronicled here over the past few weeks God's been talking to me through scripture, visual art, literature, musics, and experience.
The fundamental assertion--My life of quiet courage is too little for the God of the universe.
The action step--I have no idea.
Tonight I'm going to take a guitar and stand in front of lots of people and ask them to sing that God is more than enough for me.
The problem is I believe in that academically, but not all the way.
Frankly the way that I spend my time and money does indeed indicate that I believe in Jesus Christ and want to see his hope spread. This isn't a "damn I'm a hypocrite" kind of post. I love Jesus, have for some time, and have been blessed inwardly and outwardly in this relationship. I'm not coming to my senses.
That said, almost everyone I look to as a hero in the faith was killed prematurely because of their faith.
If Bonhoffer is right, that the call of Christ is to "come and die with me" I don't have that kind of faith.
I don't know where this will take me, and I'm increasingly sure it might be a bit uncomfortable, but a simple application is that everywhere I am now, including my work, I'm going to get more serious about lifting up the saving message of Jesus.
1 Comments:
Ryan,
I'm glad it's not another "damn, I'm a hypocrite" post. They're fine, I've just read enough of them for the time being, and topped it off by thinking it about myself plenty.
No, you are probably more given to sacrifice in the name of Christ than most people I know. Certainly more than me, and I can say that without reservation. I wonder if God cares about more than.
I bet He does.
I'm amazed by self-sacrifice. I do almost none of it. I'm a pretty hedonistic guy, and self-sacrifice is hard. But you give your time...your money...the vast majority of your free-thought...to how to spread the message of Jesus Christ. That amazes me.
It's a popular belief among Christians I know that God's assessment of the way people live is black-and-white. It goes something like this...
God=white. Humans, even the very best of humans = off-white at best = black.
You've heard it said a million times in a hundred ways by dozens of camp speakers and bible-study leaders...
"All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...therefore, if we have EVER sinned, we are sinners and need to be saved."
"God is perfect, like clear water. Even if you add one drop of food coloring to a thousand gallons of water, that water is no longer perfect. Even one sin makes us imperfect, impure, and unable to be with a perfect God."
"Even, in theory, if you've NEVER sinned (which you have), you still have the original sin of Adam and Eve in you, and therefore are not fit to be with God."
"God does not distinguish between sins...all sins are the same to God, and God hates all of it."
"Looking lustfully at a girl is the same as raping her..."
etc. etc. etc.
...I have no idea how God sees sin. I'm sure he hates it. Why not? But I bet it's not all as black-and-white as that.
I am growing closer to God, I think. A little bit at a time. Honestly, I'm closer...every little bit I examine and learn about and wrestle with and question...I get more than. More close, more in-touch, more humbled, more worshipful.
I believe you're further along on that path than I am. Again, I'm being honest with you about that. And I think that matters to God. Perhaps not where you compare to me specifically...or to your pastor...or to your bartender or neighbor or lawnmower or daschund. But to your environment, to your challenges, to your surroundings. My guess, if I'm allowed one, is that God rejoices when someone makes the small choice to grow, sacrifice, humble, worship, etc...even for the moment...because it's more than before.
I'm glad you're considering the depth to which you're willing to sacrifice...even if it means your life. Hopefully this will draw you closer. I have no idea what that sacrifice is like or what it means or even how it would be accomplished...but I believe it can make you more like God to earnestly fret about it.
Enough posturing from me though. I think you're a hell of a good guy, and I know you know that...if you find out what real sacrifice looks like, and it looks to you like God, I hope you do it.
Peace,
Justin
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